Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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