I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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