So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Sober January is a disaster.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize