Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
