If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
