mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Blood and glitter go together right?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
