There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize