Kiss
Puke
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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