i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
