my shit smells like andre
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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