Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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