Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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