I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
