We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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