I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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