At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
