Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
