I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
