then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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