Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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