I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
