No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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