So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
