I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
