She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Found your dick twin last night
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
