summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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