i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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