literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize