we're chasing vodka with high fives
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
