CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
