I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
