She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
