I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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