he shaved USA in his pubs
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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