i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
