I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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