there's paper in my vomit.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
