Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
