Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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