I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
nutella sex= disaster
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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