Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
