We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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