if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
