New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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