You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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