she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We're too hungover to prance.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
