Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
