my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
