white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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