just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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