You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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