so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
