If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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