I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
