I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
