So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
