she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
