Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
