You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
