ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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