like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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