i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize