Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
my poor anus
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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