girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
