A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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