I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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