We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
