I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
