Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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