I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
