Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
