Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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