and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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