I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
